"'Allo 'Allo!" (1982) TV Season

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Ratings / Votes
8.3/ 10 (9363 Votes)

MPAA Ratings

Production Company
British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) [gb]

Production Designer

All Producers

All Directors


Release Date
(UK) - 30 December 1982
(Finland) - 4 January 1985
(Sweden) - 3 November 1985
(France) - 3 July 1989

Running Time
UK:45 (3 episodes)


1940s, absurdism, adultery, black-lace-panties, black-lace-stockings, breaking-the-fourth-wall, cafe, cafe-owner, captain, catch-phrase, cigarette-holder, colonel, critically-acclaimed, cult-tv, cult-tv, cult-tv, disguise, escape, execution, farce, forger, french-resistance, funny-nazi, german-army, german-soldier,

Technical Support
OFM:16 mm - (exterior scenes)
OFM:Video - (interior scenes)
RAT:1.33 : 1
RAT:1.37 : 1 - (some scenes)

Related Pictures

Pictures of "'Allo 'Allo!" (1982) Movie not found

Full Cast

    Cast not found


  1. Comedy
  2. War

Full Plot

René Artois runs a small café in France during World War II. He always seems to have his hands full: He's having affairs with most of his waitresses, he's keeping his wife happy, he's trying to please the German soldiers who frequent his café, and he's running a major underground operation for the Resistance. Quite often, the Germans' incompetence itself is what nearly lands René and his cohorts in hot water; they are not helped either by the locals, who are dreadfully keen to get rid of the Germans, but their blatant and theatrical attempts at espionage and secrecy often create problems that René must solve quickly. Murray Chapman René Artois is the owner and manager of a café in German-occupied France of World War II. To look at him, it's hard to believe that some women find him irresistible, something he has to work hard to hide from his wife Edith. René's café, frequented by both the German military and the French resistance, is the focal point for the show. René's a bit of a coward and is stuck in the middle, trying to humor both sides. Hidden in the café are two English airmen who don't understand a word of French. Other characters include Lt. Gruber, a homosexual German tank driver; Otto Flick, the evil SS officer who is always outsmarted; and Engelbert von Smallhausen, his small sidekick. René's not the only coward in town: Captain Hans Geering and Colonel Kurt von Strohm are constantly on the defensive, along with Captain Alberto Bertorelli of the Italian army who has a medal for servicing Fiats. Much of the farce comes from Officer Crabtree, an British agent disguised as a French policeman with a poor grasp of "Zee Fronch Linguige," and from René's amorous waitresses, Mimi, Yvette, and Maria. Rob Hartill In this spoof of World War II, René Artois runs a café in German-occupied France. He is also an unwilling agent of the Germans, mostly under the command of Col. Kurt von Strohm, and of the French Resistance, under the command of Michelle Dubois ("Listen very carefully; I shall say this only once"). René is married to aged Edith, who is the worst singer in the world, but he finds that young women find him sexy. Most of the plots include planning the murder of the local commanding German officer, General Erich von Klinkerhoffen, as well as the ownership of a painting called "The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies"--a painting that everybody would love to get their hands on to sell after the war. He has also two downed idiot British airmen who, as time goes by, are impossible to get rid of. The main opposition is the insane SS officer Otto Flick. René tries to complete the German and the Fench Resistance's plans, even though he's a coward and wonders if he's going to get out of the war alive. Lee Horton Plot not found

Movie Certificate

PG (Australia)
S (Finland)
PG (Singapore)


BBC Video [gb] - (????) (worldwide) (video)
British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) [gb] - (1982-1992) (UK) (TV) (original airing)
Eesti Televisioon (ETV) [ee] - (2008-) (Estonia) (TV) (re-release)
Pan Vision Oy [fi] - (2003) (Finland) (DVD)
Polyband [de] - (2010) (Germany) (DVD)
RTL Entertainment [nl] - (199?-) (Netherlands) (TV) (reruns) (RTL5) (RTL7)
Televisie Radio Omroep Stichting (TROS) [nl] - (19??-????) (Netherlands) (TV)
Warner Home Video [nl] - (2008) (Netherlands) (DVD) (season 5)
Warner Home Video [us] - (2004) (USA) (DVD)


[repeated line] René: You stupid woman! Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen: Guards! Arrest all Gypsies driving fire engines. Capt. Bertorelli: Generalissimo, I embrace you. [bearhugs von Klinkerhoffen to his extreme distaste] Capt. Bertorelli: Mussolini has given me a present for you: the Italian War Hero Medal. [produces medal] Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen: Ah, the Italian War Hero Medal. I have never seen one of these... [upon seeing Leclerc's latest disguise] René: Man of a thousand faces, every one the same. Officer Crabtree: God Moaning. The resist-once have accqo-aired a bum. They are going to ex-plod the whaleway brodge. Helga: What about the good news? Herr Flick: The good news is there is no more bad news. René: We will stick out like a carrot in an omelet. Edith: Listen carefully, Michelle said this only once. Michelle Dubois: Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once. René: Well, in that case, could you please speak slowly? Lt. Hubert Gruber: You notice I am walking very gingerly. René: Do not tell me you have dynamite in your trousers. Lt. Hubert Gruber: You should not believe everything you hear, Rene. [repeated line] Michelle Dubois: Listen very carefully; I shall say this only once. Edith: Tonight I will sing as I have never sung before. René: What, in tune? Col. Von Strom: Ah, Helga. What can we do for you? Capt. Hans Geering: Judging from past experience, very little. [repeated line] Capt. Bertorelli: What a mistake-a to make-a. [Rene is shaving in the bathroom when there is a knock on the door] Yvette Carte-Blanche: Rene, what are you doing? René: Cutting my throat, my love. [repeated line] Roger Leclerc: [lifts glasses] It is I, Leclerc. [in order to save René from the duel with Monsieur Alphonse, the colonel intends to have a military practice at the site and kill him in the crossfire] René: I don't know, is it possible to just wound him? Capt. Hans Geering: With a 22mm shell, "just wounding" may be difficult. Capt. Hans Geering: Rene, your wife has many talents. Col. Von Strom: Singing isn't one of them. [Maria has disguised the airmen as waitresses, so René mimes to them that they must not go upstairs with the Germans] Flying Officer Carstairs: [turning to Fairfax] What was all that about? Flying Officer Fairfax: I think he means that if Hitler comes in and wants us to go upstairs with him, we're not to go. Flying Officer Carstairs: Is he like "that," then? Flying Officer Fairfax: Oh, yes. René: [to the others] And they must not speak. [Rene turns to the airmen and mimes that they must be silent] Flying Officer Carstairs: What does that mean? Flying Officer Fairfax: Well, if we do go upstairs with Hitler, we're not to tell anyone. Flying Officer Carstairs: Well, it's hardly the sort of thing you boast about, is it. [repeated line] Officer Crabtree: Good Moaning. [to Herr Flick and von Smallhausen] Officer Crabtree: Good moaning, Herr Flock. And von Smellhorsen. [Officer Crabtree is standing inside the pissoir, using it, when it is demolished by Edith driving Lieutenant Gruber's little tank] Officer Crabtree: [climbing out of the rubble] There is obviously no piss for the wicked. [the airmen have come downstairs, minus their mustaches, dressed as serving girls] Flying Officer Fairfax: Carstairs, you're standing like a tart again. [Carstairs drops his arm to his side] Edith: [looking the airmen up and down] No one will suspect them. They look just like the staff. René: Edith, the Germans *take* the staff upstairs from time to time. If they took these two upstairs, do you not think that their suspicions will be aroused? Yvette Carte-Blanche: We are much more attractive. They will take us. René: And suppose there is a rush? Flying Officer Carstairs: What are they saying, Fairfax? Flying Officer Fairfax: I've no idea - it's all in French. [the airmen have entered the cafe disguised as pallbearers, when a squad of Germans arrive] Flying Officer Carstairs: What's going on? Michelle Dubois: [English accent] Jerries. Keep quite or you'll be shot. Flying Officer Fairfax: [looking down] We're wearing the right clobber for it. [repeated line] Capt. Hans Geering: [shouts] 'tler! [Edith has devised a plan to help get the airmen to the P.O.W. camp via the graveyard] René: Edith, if this plan fails, there will not be a wall in Nuvion big enough to shoot us all against. Flying Officer Carstairs: Look at my knees [lifts up his "skirt"] René: Why is he showing you his knees? Michelle Dubois: He was a scrubber at ze nunnery. René: No wonder they threw him out. [to a member of the Communist Resistance] Capt. Bertorelli: You are a beyoodiful lyedee, but what a cow. [Michelle is disguised as a window cleaner] René: Hang on a minute. You have not finished my windows. Michelle Dubois: Screw your windows! [repeated line] Monsieur Alfonse: Oh, my dicky ticker! Officer Crabtree: I was pissing by the door when I heard a shat. Officer Crabtree: I was pissing by the door, when I heard two shats. You are holding in your hand a smoking goon; you are clearly the guilty potty. Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen: Heil Hitler! Officer Crabtree: Hole Hotler! Officer Crabtree: My lips are soiled. Yvette Carte-Blanche: What is happening? Maria Recamier: We were both aroused by the banging. Edith: I too was aroused by the banging. Roger Leclerc: I was aroused when I saw the girls with the candles. Monsieur Alfonse: Perhaps Madame Edith will make me the happiest man alive... René: I thought you wanted to marry her? Herr Flick: I have a box of sharp needles somewhere. [opens a drawer] Ah, here they are. Helga: What have you in mind, Herr Flick? Herr Flick: I have an excellent gramophone and many old records of Hitler's speeches. They are quite amusing. Helga: Hitler's speeches quite amusing? Herr Flick: Played at double speed, he sounds like Donald Duck. [Hans has accidentally run over Herr Flick's car with a steamroller] Herr Flick: This is very serious! The Gestapo is only insured for third party! Herr Flick: [to the tune of the Hokey Pokey] You put your right boot in, you take your right boot out, you do a lot of shouting and you shake your fists about. You light a little smokie and you burn down ze town, zat's vot it's all about. Ah, Himmler, Himmler, Himmler... [cut off by telephone] René: [to wife Edith] Youuuuuu stupid woman! [repeated line] René: Oh, 'eck! Herr Flick: I will not be reporting this incident to Berlin. I do not wish to look a right 'nana. Capt. Hans Geering: Do you not see that if you kill him with the pill from the till by making with it the drug in the jug, then you need not light the candle with the handle on the gateau from the chateau! René: Simple plans are always the best. René: But you won't shoot me? Col. Von Strom: That goes without saying. René: I would feel better if you said it, just the same. [repeated line] René: [to Madame Fanny] You silly old bat! Col. Von Strom: [about Hitler] Do you think he has a screw loose? Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen: In my opinion, a whole Meccano set is falling apart in there! Lt. Hubert Gruber: Would you like to come for a ride in my little tank?

Shooting/Filming Locations

  1. Elstree Studios, Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, England, UK
  2. Lynford Hall, Lynford, Norfolk, England, UK


- A spoof on the '70s British TV series _"Secret Army" (1977)_ (qv).

- 'Hilary Minster' (qv), who played General von Klinkerhoffen, also appeared (as Hauptmann Muller) in _"Secret Army" (1977)_ (qv), from which _"'Allo 'Allo!" (1982)_ (qv) was derived. 'Richard Marner' (qv) (Col. von Strohm) and 'Guy Siner' (qv) (Lt. Grüber) also played small roles in _"Secret Army" (1977)_ (qv).

- The original painting of The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies, which features in many episodes, was given to production designer 'Shaun Moore (IV)' (qv) after the series ended in 1992. In April 2007, he auctioned it for £4000 to raise money for the charity the Ace Centre, which helps children with communication problems in Oxford.

- Lt. Gruber's armored car is a SdKfz 222, the Leichter Panzerspahwagen, or translated, light armored reconnaissance vehicle, a 4x4 car produced between 1935 to 1944.

- Writer 'David Croft (I)' (qv) says that the inspiration for Officer Crabtree, the policeman (played by 'Arthur Bostrom' (qv)) who speaks spectacularly bad French, came from 'Edward Heath (I)' (qv), former British Prime Minister, who spoke French with a broad English accent. In real life, 'Arthur